Calculating the Volume of Charlie Brown’s Head via TV Christmas Specials

A few weeks ago I was struck by the fact that I don’t own any Christmas decorations. I saw this last month at BoingBoing, so I decided I had to take the plunge. Tonight on ABC they aired the 1965 Charlie Brown Christmas Special that features the tree that I purchased.

While watching the show, I realized that I had the tools to quantify a question that has puzzled me for ages. Just how big a blockhead is Charlie Brown?

So, I measured the tree:

I took a screenshot from tonight’s airing, and established that the tree measured 2.375″ on the screen, while Charlie Brown’s head measured 1.417″ on the screen. With the knowledge that the the tree is 20″ tall, setting up a ratio I was able to determine that Charlie Brown’s head has a diameter of 11.93″ across.

Then we can determine the radius, 5.966″, then using the basic formula for finding the area of a sphere, I determined that Charlie Brown’s head has a volume of 889 cubic inches, assuming that his head is a perfect sphere.

Using similar calculations, I have estimated that my own head (not a perfect sphere) is roughly 296 cubic inches.

In conclusion, I have mathematically determined that I’m only a third the blockhead that Charlie Brown is. Of course, we are both a sucker for redheads.

Paternal Breakfast Appliances

I present to you a letter from home. Conclusion? My father needs a blog, too:

Tim,

I really liked your “Egg McMuffin” toaster. I wanted you to to know I have new toaster also. Yes, that toaster that your mother and I bought a C.B. Poole’s Catalog Showroom in 1970 something for $10.95 finally quit working. Actually it still works, but it only toasts 1 and 1 1/2 slices of bread. The heating element on the left side of the left slot burned out. Of course, I used it like that for 6 months. Then one day on a visit to Goodwill, I discovered a new toaster still in the box and it was only priced at $3.45. (Yes, I know you can buy one at Walmart for $5.00, but I still felt like it was a steal.) It is all white, which seems to be the trend now. The days of black and chrome kitchen appliances appears to be over. Anyway, My new toaster is multi-functional. Not only will it toast sliced bread, it cooks “Pop-Tarts” to perfection. So the toaster that you grew up with has been retired… Now if I could just bring myself to throw it away. No, better just put it in the garage. Just might need a part off of it someday…..

Love,

Dad

Parental Toaster.

“Apogee of egg and muffin evolution”

Earlier in the summer heard about the Back to Basics Egg and Muffin Toaster, a device that magically creates Egg McMuffin type breakfast sandwiches in the comfort of your own home.

With the toaster, never again would one be slave to the clock and the arbitrary decisions of corporate America run amuck. Multi-millionaire CEOs and Hamburgerologists forcing their despotic will with a 10:30 cutoff time for breakfast. Who wants a hamburger at 10:35, anyway?

To free myself from such tyranny, last week I ordered the toaster, yesterday it came in the mail. Last night I went to Kroger to assemble all of the ingredients necessary for my favorite breakfast item:

I added the proper amount of water for steam production.

I added an egg. (You’re supposed to break the yolk, thanks. I know how to crack an egg.)

And the Canadian Bacon.

And of course, the English muffin.

The toaster is designed so that all of the ingredients come out at the same time, so I patiently waited.

Four minutes later, I had my McMuffin, minus the Mc part. Would you like fries with that?

The resulting sandwich does have the same character and gooeyness that makes the Egg McMuffin my favorite breakfast item. Now all I’ll need is the Back to Basics Home Angioplasty Kit.

Drive Through Vigilantism

I had some dental cleaning done this morning that required a local anesthesic. I was supposed to eat something beforehand but I forgot to eat, so after my appointment I was feeling a bit peckish. I decided to grab a milkshake. (Yeah, a milkshake after going to the dentist, that’s the kind of passive agressive action that I’ve come to expect from myself.) I pulled into the drive through at the Green Hills McDonald’s.

In front of me was a Kentucky blue early 90s vintage Ford F150 truck. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw the man behind the weel of the truck roll down his window to toss a paper towel on to the ground beside the truck. I was not the only one to notice this, but I was amazed at the brazen callousness that would make a person think that this was OK.

I thought for a moment on what I could do, and given that my mouth is already numb I figured that I would confront him about it. If he tried to deck me, I wouldn’t feel it anyway, so I felt I had nothing to lose.

I put my car in park, jumped out of the car and picked up the paper towel. He saw me do this, I made eye contact, and with all the brazenness I could muster, I threw the trash in the back of his truck. Several people saw me do this and they started to clap. He jumped out of his truck, reached back into the bed of the truck, fished out the paper towel and while staring at me, THREW IT BACK ON THE GROUND. Another man came over, picked up the paper towel again, took it inside to throw it away. He gave me a thumbs up.

Now I’m sure that this was’t the first time this man (he ordered a McChicken-no lettuce-and a small Coke has thrown trash from his car window, and I don’t expect my actions to have any influence on him ever doing again.

But if you see a man driving along in a blue Ford truck, Tennessee license plate NYE 753, don’t be suprised when you see a McChicken wrapper fly out the car window.