Imagine if you will…

This space intentionally left blankSo, I couldn’t get the camera out of the bag in time. And my phone cam wouldn’t have done it justice. So bear with me for a second, and I’ll try to describe what picture is missing from the box:

Coming back from the airport this afternoon I saw a man driving a 1970s model Ford pickup. The pickup was rust colored, not really as much dull red as the quarter panels were totally oxidized. This man had a worn face, and was smoking the dregs of a cigarette. I saw that he was holding a blue straw, the kind like you get at Jack-in-the-Box when you order a large milkshake. What made me notice the straw was the way he was holding it relative to the position of his neck. You see, he was using the blue Jack-in-the-Box straw to CLEAN OUT HIS TRACHEOTOMY. WHILE SMOKING HIS CIGARETTE. WHILE DRIVING.

If I could multitask like that, I might actually be able to get something done in a day.

Ask your doctor about Swag…

I have several friends who work as pharmaceutical reps, and while being very respectful, I’ve always questioned the real necessity for their jobs. They don’t sell the drugs, they don’t distribute drugs to pharmacies, as best I can tell their job is to look pretty, deliver lunch, and distribute swag.

You�ve all seen this stuff, pens with advertisements for Prevacid or Lexapro, post-it notes with Zocor or Zyrtec. Most of this stuff is pretty banal, but when you work for a company like Pfizer, you can evidently have a sense of humor. Especially if you rep Viagra.

Found at a Goodwill store for $.99, the Viagra branded soap dispenser. (If you’re following along at home, this is where infection control meets the erection jokes.)

Obvious one liners follow:

  • I keep pumping and pumping but nothing ever comes out.
  • Viagra, in a bottle? The more I put on, the more I have to put on.

Roll that footage again, control room…

I don’t know why everyone is complaining about the lack of coverage by News2 of their own sponsored event: “News2 Presents: An Evening With Mr. Roboto”. People are saying the only thing covered were Nashville bloggers in a general sense, and not News2’s cutting edge new media fusion of journalism and crunk. I must have seen a different story.

Here’s my proof:

1. Mr. Roboto setting up pre-party. Obviously showing the hard work that is being Nashville’s Greatest nightlife blogger.
2. Keenly subtly placed logo graphic. Old media types need a bit of transitioning to the new rules.
3. Coverage of the beautiful ladies. Needs no explanation.
4. Captain T in the the getaway car. Because a Camaro and a western shirt are where it is, baby.

I rest my case.

Pepsi Karma

Walking into Petsmart yesterday I saw that someone had littered a Pepsi bottle on the sidewalk. Trying to be the person that my dog thinks I am, I picked up the bottle to place it in the trash receptacle located at the store entrance. The bottle had one of those yellow iTunes caps, so before throwing it away I unscrewed the cap to reveal that I had won a free song from iTunes.

I’ve never used a better stapler…

You may recognize the image above as one of the central props from the movie Office Space. It’s also the best stapler I’ve ever used.

A friend sent me this website the other day. I don’t really collect things, but recently I’ve gotten into collecting props from movies. It started with Jacques-Yves Cousteau’s Diving for Sunken Treasure from the movie Rushmore, followed by the more geeky yet more dangerous Narsil from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I lusted hard after The Life Aquatic’s Zissou Adidas shoes, but fortunately wiser heads prevailed. (They didn’t have my size.)

The stapler arrived on Monday and has become the hit of the office. It started with everyone getting a good chuckle out of it, but then people started stopping by to actually USE the stapler and not just threaten to steal it. Since then, three other people have ordered their very own red stapler. I think it may become the office standard.